Rock smashes scissors

Photo: Beth Levendis

“It’s getting to the point that if I walk into a bar and one person knows who I am, I can’t not play rock-paper-scissors for the rest of the night,” says 25-year-old Bryan “The Saint” Bennett, a world-class RPS player from Montclair, New Jersey.

Bennett—who acquired his nom de guerre as an alum of the Catholic University of America—earned his “shooting” stripes in the bars of Washington, D.C. He placed second in the 2006 Rock Paper Scissors Championship in Toronto, and is in the process of putting together an RPS documentary. Although he balks at the popularly held belief that RPS is a matter of blind chance, he does have a good-luck charm: “I always play with a beer in my hand.”

In a move of unprecedented hubris, TONY threw down the gauntlet and challenged Bennett to a “five shots, five shots” contest: We each toss back a swig of Jameson between RPS matches, to determine how much of the game actually requires sober, critical faculties.

Scissors cuts paper

Photo: Beth Levendis

TONY wins the first series with ease, defeating the Saint with a salvo of rock. Bennett then explains: “The first throw is the most important one. Whatever your opponent throws first is the same one that they will throw when backed into a corner or trying to finish you off.”

The truth of this observation becomes apparent in the hotly contested second match. Momentum shifts, as the Saint has an answer for everything we throw him. He finishes us with rock, noting that TONY had previously led with scissors and would likely return to it in a pinch.

Paper covers rock

Photo: Beth Levendis

As our blood-alcohol level rises, Bennett seems to grow stronger. TONY unravels. Five shots, half a beer and four inglorious defeats later—humiliated and blotto—we determine that there is more to RPS than dumb luck. The Saint gamely talks strategy: “In tournaments, I already have my throws lined up and ready to go. I just pay attention to what my opponent is throwing and how they react to certain things.” TONY will take the Saint’s benediction and parlay it into victory at the Brooklyn Cyclones’ RPS tournament on Saturday 1. Be there.

To see how TONY performs at the tristate tourney, visit us online at timeoutnewyork.com/blog. To register, yourself, visit brooklyncyclones.com.